From Denny: Today I was thinking about a middle-aged friend who is getting married for her first time this month. Let's say it plain: the woman is a diva personality, excessively self-absorbed. She's musically talented beyond belief yet a bit emotionally wearing at times, yes, a high maintenance kitty. :)
As long as a person is not intentionally cruel, well, I've always had the heart - and the patience - for most difficult personalities: the divas. I've invested as long as seven to 12 years in each person to coax them into maturity. Why? Besides the fact I understand why they have the issues they do I also know they have the capacity to go out into the world to help others on a much larger scale once they do mature. Over the long term it can turn into a good investment for the world.
The reason for this woman's self-absorption is because she was severely abused, molested repeatedly, in her childhood - by her own mother. As a result, all her relationships have been difficult, understandably involving issues of trust. And did I mention her father was an enabler of the mother? That same mother went on to molest her grandchildren too. It's a sick situation from which none of the adult children have recovered after decades of trying to heal themselves by ignoring the spiritual element.
Whenever a person experiences this kind of spiritual violation, as happens in sexual abuse from a biological parent, it's a natural progression that the spirit and the ego close inward protectively. The typical self-absorbed person is one of those folks that loves to talk all about their news and what they are thinking - for hours on end. They tend to emotionally wear out those who surround them.
When the time comes for the listening person to speak about their news the self-absorbed person is simply not interested and leaves or displays impatience because the conversation has shifted away from them. They are so hungry for energy and attention they turn off to any situation that does not offer it.
How many people do you know like this who are self-absorbed to varying degrees? How many are really wounded spirits from a trauma such as this woman? While there are those self-absorbed people who are not traumatized - and are just selfish and uncaring - all are suffering from one thing: getting stuck in life. They have lost their road map to spiritual maturity.
It's natural we all go through some degrees of self-absorption, especially when we are teenagers and young adults. One aspect of self-absorption is a strong self-nurturing in order just to survive and keep a sanity and balance in life. As teenagers and young adults we self-nurture to develop our individuality and separation from our parents so we can be independent once we start out in our new lives.
Eventually, Life calls us out of that self-nurturing as we learn to pull our attention away from ourselves and place it upon the people around us in our new families, children, our work place. We grow out of self-absorption over time.
But what about the folks around us who are stuck, finding themselves still self-absorbed long beyond the age of their 20's? How can we help them - or ourselves? We may be the self-absorbed person trying to figure out how to get ourselves past being stuck, wanting to take the next step toward greater maturity. We may be attempting to help another person in our lives to grow.
The obvious solution about self-absorption is to draw attention away from themselves, coaching - or coaxing - them to place it upon something they love doing or have a passion for or someone they love. They learn to transfer the excessive self-love and transform it into a healthier more productive love.
The in-between phase can turn into obsessiveness as they learn in stages to be less self-protective and inward looking. Everything in Life takes time to learn when it is something we are learning on the deepest spiritual level. Don't lose patience with yourself or the loved one, no matter how annoying they can get sometimes.
They will be annoying and buck the new discipline they are learning while they unwind bad habits. They may start out in a committed intense rush, lose interest, fall back into bad habits, then get back onto the better path. It's like working to rid themselves of an addiction while they grow. It is the practice of whatever you give energy to: grows. And what you turn your attention away from: begins to die and disappear.
The first step toward helping yourself or others to grow past self-absorption is to pray for yourself and others. Please don't pray the typical prayers where people try to control others or even themselves by using negative ideas as to "what's best for them." Spirit knows what is best for all of us.
All you have to do is ask Spirit to draw yourself or the person away from self-absorption and into maturity. Pray lots of constant Light of knowledge and unconditional God Love into yourself or that person. Then sit back and wait for the miracles to start happening. You will be simply amazed.
If the self-absorbed person in your life, or yourself, is so inclined you can speed up the process. How? If the self-absorbed person is willing then it's important for them to begin praying for the world. Ask them to pray for all kinds of situations and people you know to be in need. The Helper's High all of us receive from charitable giving is the kind of energy the self-absorbed person is unconsciously seeking to help keep their balance and bring strength to them.
Remember, most self-absorbed people are wounded spirits stuck in Life. Like my friend who is getting married for the first time. She has finally found a man, a doctor, who understands she is a wounded spirit. He is walking into the marriage with his eyes wide open.
He is a spiritual man who keeps her focused upon constant prayer. He has helped her to realize how much good she is doing by teaching her gift of music and praying for the world, both of which build her self-esteem.
He is choosing to marry his diva because he chooses to love. He knows that real Love will eventually heal her and he has the time, the patience and the devotion to help her on her spiritual journey. Love in action. Does Life get any better?
*** LOVE Photo by aliaydogmus35 @ flickr from Izmir, Turkey
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